Things are getting really really really hard for me these days, and yup, it’s because I have a lot to do and I couldn’t think straight anymore. It’s annoying how everything have to pile up and must be finished in one week and what’s worse is that I don’t feel well. I worry a lot not only about my academics but also about my own relationships — what if I fail this semester? My family wouldn’t take it nicely. I would be very disappointed with myself, etc., etc…
I tend to question my own decisions in life, I tend to worry about so many things that I couldn’t find any reason why I’m doing all of these things. I couldn’t keep myself focused on what I have to do…
But then, looking back at what I have accomplished before, these shouldn’t bother me anymore. These things should be easy. I’ve cried a lot before, and I know I will cry more, but I thought, I’m stronger now. I know how to be someone who failed. But I know I can stand up again. Not that I wouldn’t mind if fail, but somehow, I think it’s time for me to conquer all of this.
I don’t why I’m blabbering about things again. I think I just missed having someone who’d listen to all my ‘blabberings’. haha! But yeah. I think being a bit anti-social for this week is really helpful for me. It teaches me how to actually realize how big the problem is and how much effort I should put in. I should talk to people who can help me, I should read books that will teach me… These are things that I have forgotten. It’s like a long time ago, I was someone who searches for the answers on her own, I was someone who was delighted at solving something and gives herself a pat on the back because she has accomplished something on her own.
Maybe I just missed being this independent person who knows what she’s doing.
Not that I want to not be with people again, but it’s just something important to me that I lost somewhere, sometime…
I'm Sunny Sky 